Except get his picture taken.

His mug has been floating around on the internet for some time now, originally seen at a site dedicated to people who "use daddy's money but sh*t on society (and sometimes themselves)". But it doesn't end there.

Members of the Ween Forum (Ween is a quirky pop/rock duo from Pennsylvania) have taken Mr. Patchcomb's picture as their own, manipulating his image using photo editing software. Since the end of October, Mr. Patchcomb has been Abraham Lincoln, Spongebrah Squarepants, Superbrah, Osama Brah Laden, and E.T., to name just a few.

Mr. Patchcomb's Gallery (w00ks.org)
Ween Forum "Wook #17" thread.

Phishing for a lawyer
Mr. Patchcomb had already been known by those who travelled to see the quirky jamband Phish. He was often seen in the "lot," as it is called - "Hey brah, can I score a schwig of your Sammy? I've got heady nugs!" is one of his catchphrases.

But now people are actually LOOKING for him at these shows. It is almost to the point where he is being hunted. At least that is how Mr. Patchcomb feels.

"Nobody will leave me alone, brah. I've tried offering my heady nugs as a peace offering, but that's not helping. It left me with no option but to get a lawyer."

The subpoena has been submitted, and is in the process of being served. The litigation is against the Ween Forum in general, but will be served to those who have most frequently altered his portrait:

(Ween forum names shown, real names unknown at this point):

View the subpoena

UPDATED NEWS - 12/5/03

Subpoena has little effect

The subpoena has been served, but has not had the effect usually expected. In fact, it has spurred even more furious fascination. Mr. Patchcomb and his legal team have responded, producing a cease-and-desist letter. The letter invokes the Lot Privacy and Decency Act of 1982, citing "mental anguish" and "physical hardship" suffered by Mr. Patchcomb.

TV apperances

Mr. Patchcomb has taken his fight to the airwaves, appearing on the Today Show (NBC), Hannity and Colmes (FOX), and the O'Reilly Factor (FOX). He is not so sure it is helping, however. As he told Katie Couric on his apperance on the Today Show, "I'll bet some of those custies are going to take advantage of me appearing on these shows. They have until the afternoon on Friday, Dec. 5th, to stop. But I don't think it's going to stop."

While Ms. Couric was sympathetic to Mr. Patchcomb's situation (perhaps helped by his generosity - before the interview, Ms. Couric was seen with her charateristically gigantic toothy smile, saying to a co-worker, "I like this guy. Why?  Two words: heady. nugs."), he faced a much more aggressive front when appearing on both Hannity and Colmes and the O'Reilly Factor.

Alan Colmes attempted to express some encouraging words, but neither he nor Mr. Patchcomb were able to get more than a syllable in over Sean Hannity's dialogue. Mr. Hannity spent the entire show asking Mr. Patchcomb why he was threating homeland security and why he is so against President George Bush. He also attacked Mr. Patchcomb for not answering the questions, equating that with him being the 21st member of the Sept. 11th hijackers.

On the O'Reilly Factor, Mr. Patchomb once again had little chance to defend his case. To view the transcript from the show, click here.